Aside

ATTENTION PLEASE:

I will not be running or doing any sort of physical activity outside (unless it’s running after an ice cream truck) until this head has subsided. That is all.

It's too damn hot.

It’s too damn hot.

 

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FIRST DAY OF FALL!

Yesterday we said goodbye to Summer*. So I ask you this… why is it still 10,000** degrees outside?!? Honestly.. doesn’t Mother Nature know what day it is? I hear Fall and I’m thinking.. yaaay scarves and boots and pumpkin everything.. but around here the weather is not complying to my wishes! It’s 97 degrees and at least 50% humidity.

At this rate I'll be walking around naked. It's hot and humid and just ugh.

At this rate I’ll be walking around naked. It’s hot and humid and just ugh.

Jamie is going to be very proud of me. I signed up for a race to try to get my ass back on track with training for this half. It’s just a 5k but the race is in 2 weeks. This means I need to start running regularly. This also means this heat needs to kick rocks. I don’t want to drown in my own sweat.

Seriously -- send help.

Seriously — send help. In the form of cool frosty beverages.

I’m sure you’re noticing today I’m using Spice Girls gifs. That’s because I just found out that Netflix added Spice World to its collection today!! Guess what I’ll be doing tonight? If you guessed Spicing up my Life.. you are right.

I am Posh. Posh is me. Bow down bitches.

I am Posh. Posh is me. Bow down bitches.

If you haven’t seen this cinematic masterpiece, I suggest you do so. I mean… look at these special effects!

Eat your heart out Michael Bay.

Eat your heart out Michael Bay!

That’s your homework assignment. Watch Spice World. I expect a 500 word essay on my desk by Thursday on underlying themes and symbolism. With that.. I leave you with a song I still like to run to. Enjoy.


*I have been told that Fall is not until September 23rd. I dont give a shit. Labor day means no more August which should mean no more heat. 

**rough estimate. Blogger is not good with the maths. 

Second Sex, Artificial Turf

This hurts my feelings. Screw you FIFA.

The Sport Spectacle

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If we needed proof that the people who govern the beautiful game do not see women as real athletes, we need look no further than FIFA’s decision to play the 2015 Women’s World Cup on artificial turf. Players have been angry since was this announced; a complaint of gender discrimination has been filed with Canadian courts. Artificial turf forces a different game: tackling is different, injuries are different, the speed/pace of the game is different. You can play harder when the ground is softer. Football’s Sith Lords probably figured that women would prefer the artificial turf because it’s prettier and doesn’t stain.

The women’s game is treated by FIFA as charity work that serves to justify its monopoly over the “real” sport. Note the opening page of “The Laws of the Game,” which categorizes women as disabled players for whom the rules might be adjusted. If FIFA and the Canadian Football Association wanted to move the goal posts…

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What is Running?

I fell of the wagon… again. I haven’t been running in weeks. I haven’t been playing soccer either. I have been feasting like a gluttonous monster lately. This is not a good combination. At this rate they’re going to be able to tie strings to me and float me down Broadway at Thanksgiving. Macy’s.. call me.

Actual face.. not as scary. Actual boobs.. not as big.

Actual face.. not as scary. Actual boobs.. not as big.

Yesterday was my birthday! I turned 35 29 and decided to celebrate by going out for wine with my “ladies.” That’s in quotes because if you met us you would know the term ladies does not apply.

Friends if you're reading this don't even try to deny it.

Friends if you’re reading this don’t even try to deny it.

That wrapped up around 830(ish) and I wasn’t done celebrating so I had a few drinks when I got home. Why do I do this to myself? I’m not feeling too terribly rough today but I know for sure my liver is packing its shit to leave me.

Because tonight college football starts so there must be beer.

Because tonight college football starts so there must be beer.

I’m so excited college football is starting. Except for the fact that I live in the city where our rival college is located. I know I’m not supposed to say I hate people… but whoever gave me that advice never met Gamecock fans.

All except maybe 2 of you. You know who you are.

All except maybe 2 of you. You know who you are.

Worst. People. Ever. Like I get being a fan but you don’t have to be a douchebag about it. That’s enough of that. /rant

Obviously by my use of these gifs you all have noticed my secret love affair with Jersey Shore. It’s so awful but I couldn’t ever turn it off. I miss it. I think I need to evaluate my life.

I know Snooki. I'm dealing with it the best way I know how.

I know Snooki. I’m dealing with it the best way I know how.

Any tips to get me back running? Encouragement only. Threats are not welcome.

Thanks boys.

Thanks boys.

 

Busy Busy

This week is a whirlwind of activity. I’m cramming a week’s worth of work into two days because at noon tomorrow I will be heading to North Carolina to watch the USWNT take on Switzerland. Be prepared for me to use an overwhelming amount of USWNT gifs today.

Yes that's Alex Morgan doing Gangnam. Just take it.

Yes that’s Alex Morgan doing Gangnam. Just take it. I’m excited ok?

Last night instead of going to yoga, I decided I would volunteer my kicking services to my friend’s kickball team. I forgot how much fun it was! We met for drinks beforehand because for some reason, our city doesn’t allow alcohol on the their fields. Unlike every other kickball league in the state and the nation, we aren’t allowed to run the bases with a beer in our hand.

I agree. What's a little kickball without beer?

I agree. Who is in charge here? Prudes.

We lost both games but I still had a good time. I woke up sore this morning. Evidently you use different muscles in kickball that you don’t use in soccer because my inner thighs are killing me. I’m assuming its from sprinting on dirt and trying to stop before you run over the base. BRAAAAAAAKES!

I just received an email from my yoga studio with “EXCITING PRICING NEWS.” Want to know what that exciting news is? They’re raising their rates. Now I understand how things work in business and you want to get the most profit, but I also understand customer retention and loyalty is key. I’m pissed. My friend is pissed. This is ridiculous.

I did not ask for this.

I did not ask for this nor am I excited.

Other things I didn’t ask for: my Facebook feed to be full of “first day of school” pictures. No, thank you. I mean, I get it when you send your kid off to kindergarten, but can you just take the time to text your family the picture rather than filling up my news feed. Spoken like a single person.

Please for the love of god stop.

Please for the love of god stop.

Ok — back to cramming one week’s worth of work into two days. Assuming I can contain my excitement for the game tomorrow and focus enough to get things done.

Beep beep.. Struggle Bus

I’m fully recovered from my exciting evening on Wednesday. The Best of Columbia party hosted by Free Times was wonderful but when consuming copious amounts of alcohol when you’re only being given food that is the serving size for Barbie, it kinda leaves you with a hangover.

Someone turn it off!

The sun…. Someone turn it off!

I’m all better now, but my coworker is completely hungover and I am laughing at her. Quietly of course. Wouldn’t wanna piss off someone with a headache by being too loud.

Footage of my coworker as I walk by her office.

Footage of my coworker as I walk by her office.

 

Why aren’t these a thing?

I would DESTROY these.

I would DESTROY these.

My friend who religiously reads my blog (thanks boo!) has informed me that I am on “the google.” Does this make me famous? Can I call people peasants now?

Lord Disick is my spirit animal. One of them anyway.

Lord Disick is my spirit animal. One of them at least. I have several (See also: Jenna Marbles)

I’ve actually done a good job of being non-searchable (is that a word? it is now) on ze Google but I guess it’s ok if this blog shows up.

I just received the best email. I love all things bacon. As evidenced by the oreos above.

Click the pic to be redirected to the sale.

Click the pic to be redirected to the sale.

I can’t stop laughing at this.

This is just hilarious.

This is just hilarious.

Or this…

Tinder is either the best or worst thing ever. Jury is still out.

Tinder is either the best or worst thing ever. Jury is still out.

I just took the aforementioned hungover coworker to pick up some Pho. It is an excellent hangover remedy. (You’re welcome.)If you’ll excuse me, it’s time I stuffed my face with noodles. Til manana!